Like a fine wine, I too, am an acquired taste

I am loud. I am energetic.  In fact, some have called me the energizer bunny....at 5PM.  I drive hard, I like to have fun, and I as I have said before, I like to win.  In the last 20 years of life I have been accused of a lot of things, but passion-less is not one of them.  I live by the mantra of loving unconditionally and without regret.  But, with that said, I am not for everyone. 

I am a matchmaker of sorts. I get this creepy high out of making others that I love successful and happy.  I will go to the greatest of distances to introduce even the two least likely of souls in hopes of making a connection.  Oh god no -- not that kind of connection.  Connections in health, (did you read my piece 2 weeks ago??) business, hell, even food connections.  (Read this:  per my husband, there is very little BBQ that is worth mentioning in the SEA area, so, if you ask, I will have a hard time making that match)

But, what the hell does this have to do with this blog?  A lot, actually.  Over the last two months, I have done a lot of soul searching in determining what is "next for HK".  Lots of my friends and family have had opinions and have openly shared those opinions regardless of whether or not I might have wanted to hear them.  ("You just haven't been YOU in a long time.  What happened to YOU????")  As I stated in my first blog of 2014, I had lost a piece of me.  That piece that got me to the gym everyday. That piece that reminded my why I love marketing oh so much and why I (think) I am pretty darn good at what I do.  That piece of me that was never too tired to talk about the next big thing or dream a little bigger.  Well, guess what.  She's back.  And, she's back with a (insert expletive) vengeance.  

I am excited to get back to making matches everyday.  Perhaps might join a board or two, maybe some lecturing at the college level, and, maybe just maybe, drive that app to market that I have always dreamed of.  What's next?  Who's coming with me?  After all, I can guarantee, it is going to be an entertaining ride.  And MOST importantly, what can I do for you?

[A few shout outs to those reminding of late whose boss:  Rachel Lazar, Anthony Bontrager, Kelly Saunders, my bestie LP, Lynn and of course my Bubs.]

#cheerstochange #dreambig&win

Welcome to my world, badass.

Swoobs or Swalls?  The former, yes, ma'am.  It has been a long time since I have had the privilege of
meeting someone new who has knocked me off my feet.  Well, really, let's be honest. Knocked me on my ass. 

Katie had been talking about her for months.  Gals in my network had been checking into her Happy Hour sessions nightly. I had repeatedly seen her gentle public call-outs of "getting shit done and driving hard to win."  What the hell was this fuss all about?

This gal is not much taller than me.  She has this raspy, yet aggressive voice that you could hear a mile away.  And, runs a successful small business, Happy Hour by Marisa (her homies call it HHbM - http://happyhourbymarisa.com/default.htm) - a boutique work-out facility, where she teaches every GD class, everyday. Every one of them. 

The club is much more than a club. It is a cult of candle lit, booty shaking positivity.  She lives and dies by one rule - if you judge others you will be asked to get the hell out. (try to judge behind her back, and not only get the hell out - but run. fast) By far the warmest industrial place on the planet, the environment is riddled with daily inspirations (both G and R rated) and a vibe you just cannot mistake.  Marisa Mancke, you are the s&it.  An inspiration to those that know her, if you don't, you should. She will make you laugh, perhaps even make you cry (from the pain) but, I can tell you this - I will drive 35+ miles any day of the week to get drill sergeant' by her.

Oh, one additional note - no, she does not provide shots of jaeger with her workouts as her name may suggest. She does, however, serve up humor, competition and profanity (nothing too sketch) on a platter at each of her workouts....unless, of course, you attend cardio striptease. Perhaps my next post will be about the Hello Kitty!

It's go time.

Changes. That’s all I can say.  It has been nothing but changes since the 2014 started, and, I am absolutely 1000% ecstatic about it.  I am officially an addict again, to exercise that is, down almost 20 lbs since Jan 1.  But, today, as it should be, marks the start of “it’s go time.”  Hitting the calorie bandwagon hard again to see if I can shave off yet another 10 pounds before we roll out to Cabo in early April.

Again, let me remind you, this blog isn’t going to be about fitting into leather pants and seeing an LMFAO concert.  It is going to be about renovating myself (cleaning out the S&it) and feeling normal again.  But, this begs the question, what the hell is normal for me?

I am a driver, a competitor, and I love to win in everything I do.  Where I lose all sense of normalcy for myself is when I allow myself to accept anything less than great.  I will *never* again allow anyone to “coach” me into accepting mediocrity.  So, to that end, this blog is going to be all about competing to win and the tools necessary to do so. 

Competition on my mind, here is what is on my workout playlist right now.  Music is the #1 tool in my quest for being the best I can be.  I challenge you to feel the same by bellying up to a few of the following diddies:

·         Breakdown by Tantric

·         Welcome to the Jungle  by Alvaro & Mercer

·         Turn Down for What by DJ Snake & Lil Jon

·         Sumpin by the Pimps

·         Roman's Revenge by Nikki

·         Got the life by Korn

·         The Hand that Feeds by NIN

 

To that end, get off your ass and get to the gym and make no excuse for who you want to be.  AND, listen to your gut. Always.

Purging my own "fatitude" of 2013

Welcome to 2014, or the year that I shall affectionately nickname, RSquared.  2014 will be all about the rejuvenation and renovation (RSquared) of ME. Not to sugar coat here, but 2013 kicked.my.ass; both physically and mentally.  So, like any old house or kitchen constructed in 1973, it is time for a complete renovation.

That renovation starts here - with the (re)introduction of my health/fitness blog, No Fatitudes Allowed.  This go around, we will move far beyond the trials and tribulations of doing an inaugural cleanse. Instead, I will take some time to illustrate my journey to unwind my own "fatitude" established in 2013.  I won't promise no poop talk or disgusting photographs of the crap I am going to attempt to eat (clean), what I will promise is a commitment to posting at least 2X per month, honesty and hopefully some laughs along the way.

As I embark on my 41st year of life (I turned 40 in Oct - did I get that right???) and entering the 10th year of my marriage to my best friend, Lynn, it has become obvious that merely making public statements (daily public shaming) of eating, drinking, exercising and general good behavior is merely change at face value.  This year, I will be looking to make life long changes that will push me to try new things, get centered and focused (I hate Yoga, so this is going to be a stretch) and to become an overall better and more healthy human - for not only my husband, but also for my son, my family and my friends. 

Don't be afraid.  This will not be a bunch of deep crud that, if you choose to read, you will yawn through. Nor will this be a self pity novel of all the stuff I have done wrong. This will merely be the musings of how a gal with a busy life finally figures out how to get her s&it straight - eat well, run on the treadmill without feeling like a smoker and do it all while staying sane and positive.  Unlike the last go round, this will not be about fitting into clothes, this will be about fitting back into my own skin.

HNY and here's to the most amazing (and healthy) 2014 that life has to offer! Cheers!

For the first time in my life, I want to be "Pant-sed!"

Alright, take a walk down memory lane with me, will ya?  We're talking waaaaayy back when -- maybe 5th grade.  Remember the fear of being "pantsed"? No, I am not talking about getting a Wedgie or what we referred to in gymnastics as a Melvin, I am talking about the days of running away from the group that liked to "pants" people - the pulling down of the pants to display your rump roast for all to see.  Well, my kind of "pant-sed" is a variation of that.  I want to be able to pull UP my pants.  Do I need to remind you about the pants - the leather ones I purchased in the late 90's at Wilson's to attend an event in SF.  Yep, those pants.

Well, we are now T-6 days until the trying on of the pants. God help me.  As mentioned previously, I have been in a daily stare down with those fuckers.  (sorry, don't mean to be crass, here, but they are officially the enemy)  In fact, to prepare for this big try-on event, I have asked the very lovely Kelly Saunders (aka Special K, K-Dog) to pull together some of THE WORST Zumba workouts possible.

Don't believe that Zumba can be a good workout?  Then you haven't experienced the wrath of Kelly.  Don't believe me?  Seeing is believing. Yep, that's her. Check her out.  She is in killer shape. She is ripped -- and, only teaches (going to get this wrong, I know it) 8 classes a week (gulp), not to mention the classes she teaches for kids.  She is an amazing fitness leader.  Respect the hell out of her and one of the most supportive gals I have ever.met. Hands down. She ain't sitting in a bean bag chair eating cheetos to get that physique.  Therefore, I am dedicating my quest to get "Pant-sed" to her.  And, again, if you think you are in good shape, Zumba is for wimps or are just too cool for skool, I challenge you to take one of her classes.  1104 cals this AM in 60 minutes of bad arse sweating heaven.  Won't you accept my challenge?  Alongside Kelly, I would like to send tons of love to my Zumba brethren - Deb, Tess, Becky, Nicole, Kathy, Sue, Michele, and Jill.  (If I forgot any of you, ladies, my apologies. I have way too much going on in my little head)  Only 9 more days til LMFAO and hoping that noone gets arrested!!!

Well, enough of the love fest.  Let's talk about being the fat kid married to the skinny guy enjoying a weekend of sin.  Oh yes, I sinned. Big.  One of the best things about being off the "cleanse my soul" regimen is getting to actually eat and drink stuff.  And, well, I have been. In moderation. Kind of. But, alas, to my surprise, I have not had a latte in 4 weeks -- nor have I had Italian food (pasta, etc).  These two things are HUGE for me.  What I have had -- Fat Burger fat fries, several vodka sodas, a Sunday breakfast meant for a champion - bacon, ham, cheese, tatoes, peppers, onions. (yeah, not so clean) Arroz con Mariscos - YUM and Gummy Worms.  Shameful.  The pants will be pissed.  Matter of fact, if I don't fit into them on Wed, I blame the gummy worms. (And it will be the most momentous public shaming imaginable) I must, say, however, even though I have had some "sinning" I have kept on my workouts (gruntin' and all). Even better?  The back fat that I affectionately call my ex husband now has some muscle definition. And.....Today I finally did tri dips with 5lbs sitting on my legs. (note: i don't do half arse dips - i actually put my legs on one bench and my arms on another and do true dips - yeah, strength!!!)  But, as I look forward to Memorial Day weekend with friends away in Suncadia, I can only assume that I will be enjoying a slice or two from Village Pizza.  Ah voy.

Aside from all the moral support - holy hell the Zumba ladies are being patient with the workouts brought to you by the letter "K" and the "pants", I am so glad I decided to do the cleanse.  It really was a turning point for me.  I continue to enjoy the shakes and Spark daily.  (https://www.advocare.com/12058686/default.aspx)

Oh, and before I forget, a huge shout out to all the folks that walked in the Relay events -- including my Mom.  Love You!

Well, back to my "paying job".  Be healthy. Be happy.  Get off the couch and do it.

xoxo

Short Shorts Aren't For Everyone. Seriously.

Holy crap, they know how to eat in the South.  Or, more importantly, Texas.  Yes, again, with the hiatus on my posts, but mostly because I was out of town. I had the grandeur plan to write on the way down on Thursday night about the closing of my Cleanse, but Alaska gets me everytime with the rental of those movie players. Everytime.  Boo!  So, let's first start with the summary of my cleanse. 

Hard. Really hard. But, as I said before, we did it.  Down nearly 12 pounds and lots of inches.  I am a regular lift & grunt gal (ha!) and am actually starting to see some definition again. Yeah!  But, not out of the woods yet. I have so much work to do.  Sadly, a good portion of the work to be done is lower body. Yep, folks, leg lift 2X per week as well as a bunch of sprints added in for good measure. Barf. Literally. Work "left" to do however, is not how I am going to look at this.  I am changing the way I live and eat. For good this time.  I am sick and tired of having to kill myself to lose the weight again and again -- you hear me?  Can I get a HELL yeah???  All in all, the cleanse was not too bad and I have now "reminded" myself how one should take care of their body.  Eat well, hydrate.  Exercise. It's really not that tough.  It does take time and dedication, however, and sometimes the choice to exercise early or late in the day might mean missing out on extra zzzz, which is also very important. Ah, voy.

So, now what?  I had a focus before leaving for Texas, but now I really have focus.  I mean REALLY.  I don't know if it was me being overly aware (and conservative) as I put the first few morsels in my mouth on that Thursday, but there is an over abundance of really heavy folks in Texas.  Not only adults, children - so sad.  Stuffing chips, queso, fried fast food and flavored wet-kins into their little mouths just as fast as they could.  But, the icing on my focus cake? (Pardon me, going to get blunt here)  My first real treat to myself came on Mom's Day when I craved pancakes so bad, I could actually smell them.  Noone was cooking them  - the smell was just permeating in my mind so aggressively, it felt like an actuality.  I had to have them, and Jim's was to be the place.  You know this place - an IHOP/Denny's sort of greasy spoon where the locals come to have biscuits and gravy.  It took only one glance at the 14 year old shoveling in the goods so fast they couldn't keep her glass full of what looked like Coke.  It wasn't until she got up from the table with the shortest shorts I have ever seen that my mind really went South. And, no, she shouldn't have been wearing them. It was like her skin was trying to escape the tight get-up that was her Sunday best to have breakfast with her mom.  So sad. But, made me think twice about eating the three pancakes on my plate. So, I didn't.  Things I learned eating (and drinking in Texas):

1. don't try and order anything whole wheat - they have NO idea what whole wheat is -- at least at restaurants. 
2. They have self-serve bars for chips. Yep, self serve.  You probably get a free t-shirt for 5 baskets eaten.
3. BBQ must be accompanied by many slices of the whitest bread you've ever seen for "sopping." Gagalicious.
4. If you want to order something healthy at Sonic Drive-in, the only two things they have are apple slices and bananas. In fact, the server questioned  - "who comes to Sonic for healthy?" Doh. Guess she was right to call me out.
5. The oatmeal at Chikfila is OUT OF THIS WORLD. Order it - you will be glad you did. 
6. Torchy's street tacos.  Awesome goodness - chicken fajita booyah.  Again, too many chips!!

As much as I complain, sincerely appreciate Carla Robertson joining me daily for a workout. Without the "food escape" there would be too, too much temptation to be bad.  (The highlight of these excursions was a Zumba class taught by the Colombian version of Richard Simmons.) In fact, I did try "custard". No, not the jelly like yogurt crap, the ice cream. It was to die for.  My tummy was pissed I ate it. Not again.

So, back to what next?  I am now commencing on what I call the "Clone" diet.  The clean Zone. 
What the heck is that?  It is a clean diet of non-processed junk, following a strict "block" set of the Zone.

Remember my mention about counting cals, but not actually watching what comprised those cals?  Well, this will allow me to count blocks of protein, fats and carbs based on my weight & exercise level.  This will control my cravings and ensure I am fueling properly.  BTW, that is Tosca Reno.  She, at age 40, was tired of being heavy, and went onto develop and follow the eat clean diet and win many a fitness competitions. Today, at 52, she is in amazing shape.  My goal: Git R Done.

So, I invite you to follow my journey about food, weight loss and humor through the continued reading of my blog.  I will post recipes. I will be hard on myself.  I will entertain, I promise. 

Until l8tr/ HK

"All Show and No Go"

Funny, as the trainer at the club busted this out last night to describe those guys that workout that grunt and NEVER do legs and way too much upper body, it became clear to me that this could also describe me on this cleanse.  Yes, again, with the "cleaning out" talk.  I just want to make sure people understand, that it is okay not to shite your britches on this thing.  At this point, the only thing I am positive about is that if I eat crap on Thurs, I will shite myself on the plane.  Murphy's law.  BUT, alas...

 Nine, nine, nine. The number nine is so fine! Day 9 - yeah, baby.  You know what that means?  One more day of the a-hole fiber drink!  Actually, it means, we have almost done it.  Levonne and I have nearly beat this thing.  But, more importantly, it has given me a newly refined focus on health and wellness.  And, for that, I am forever grateful.  Matter of fact, I feel absolutely amazing. Better than I can remember feeling in a long, long time.  This blog -- well, I have decided it needs to live on to discuss weekly musings centering around food and my sincere hatred for the stuff.  Or, as I am learning, maybe it's not so bad?  Let's take my lunch for example.

Yep - folks, that is one serving of goodness right there.  That is my clean as a whistle version of spanish rice.  The best part?  It doesn't taste like a paper napkin!  Super fresh, super healthy, super easy. (ugh, again with the feminine hygience commercial rhetoric!)

Perhaps food isn't exactly the enemy.  Maybe it's the kind of processed food that I have thrown into my body. Doritos, Noodle Roni, Gummy Bears. Ah, the good stuff. Apparently, not.  I am going to be leaving this period of self exploration, yes, I flippin know it's only been 9 days, but hell it feels like a lifetime, with a better understanding of the right cals IN and cals out. Doesn't matter if you burn 5000 cals in a day, if you are eating 1200 cals of crap, you are destined for failure. And cheating. And minimal weight loss. And the back fat that I affectionately call my ex-husband. Kidding.  Thanks to the cleanse, I can nearly say bye-bye to that flap.

Back to it. Damnit.  The Cleanse.  (Did I mention, I am now an official Advocare Distributor??  I believe in this stuff, so darnit, if people ask, they can get it from me. <End advertising plug.>  (Besides, It's not like I am going to be pushing the stuff at a table outside the IGA, I don't have that kind of time!!) 

Day 8: Pretty uneventful, the rest of Day 8 went off without any issue.  Great upper body push routine with Katie "big balls" Farr followed by the best, I mean best dinner to date.  Grilled chicken with fresh marinara sauce. It was heavenly.  I wasn't hungry at 8:02PM like any other night -- thank God.  Besides my legs feeling like hibernating tree trunks, ready to tackle the last two days of this badboy.

As we began, today is the second to last day on this thing.  Didn't weigh myself this am  -- will do so one last time on Thurs, but can definitely see a difference, both physically and mentally.  I truly believe, you are what you eat!  Oh, and how much you sweat at the gym.  That is equally important. Fiber drink, barf.  (actually gagged for the 1st time today!) Chocolate shake, amazing.  In fact, going to take the shakes with me this weekend and buy a blender.  THAT's how good they are -- or, again, how crazy I am. 

I shall return.  Btw, "Where's the weightroom?" (said in an all neck, huge upper body sort of voice)
HMK